33 days, 33 Foods

Today I think I learned enough computer stuff to begin the very scary expose called blogging, and while Sheila (my blogging coach) told me to play around for a few days to get the feel of things, I have reached a critical mass, quite literally, and I have to begin right away. I HAVE REACHED A CRITICAL MASS!

A couple of months ago, I attended a lecture by nutritional expert, John Bagnulo, who was talking about his favorite twenty foods. Being older than he is and having taught and cooked for so many years, my list is longer. Having gained a great deal of weight these last three years due to untoward personal stresses, I decided that if I only ate my own 33 favorite (by that I mean most powerful) foods for 33 days, it would probably be a very good way to take off some substantial weight safely. I decided also that I would blog this experience.

But I hesitated to get going with it, mostly because we have recently moved from our (too) large but comfortable home into a two room apartment - and unfinished rooms, at that. My husband sleeps in a nook in the very tiny kitchen. I cannot go into all the details of this Lilliputian existence, but suffice it to say that I AM SUFFOCATING! This situation is a pressure cooker. I have felt unable to focus on myself.

I have only been in this apartment for two months, but in that time I have put on ten more pounds upon the already extra twenty. This is not just any old extra ten pounds. This is the ten pounds which has brought me for the first time in my life to official obesity - me - health food queen! Perhaps my body is pushing out against the environment.

I am in shock.  I kept thinking that my cheap new scale was certainly wrong, but tonight I looked coldly and clearly upon my new glorious bulk. For the first time in my life I am truly, truly fat.  This is not a statement of self-denigration, but one of amazed wonder. It is a new experience. Sort of funny if it weren't so dangerous.

So even if I have no place to grow wheatgrass or buckwheat lettuce or many sprouts, so even if I have to stop cooking to please Doug or even for Doug, so even if this kitchen situation is seemingly impossible to me, I now - this very day - must cook and live, until I am healthy again, just for me. Did I happen to mention that this fatness has not made me robust? My critical mass is close to thirty pounds of extra fat on a 5'1" frame.

You are my witnesses. In return, I will give you my wisdom as I re-enter it. This is my diary. I quake to be seen. Thank you for helping me keep straight. I already feel that you are a blessing to me.

It is late at night. Tomorrow I will begin. And I have no idea what I will do.



p.s. thank you to Holly Noonan as well as Sheila Kennedy for your patience and support in launching me. And to many, many others for spiritual support in authenticity, most recently Tara Demere.